Friday, January 25, 2008

So, you wanna survive a vampire attack?:

Preliminary reading in the event of a potential vampire attack

So, there's a vampire outside and it wants to be inside. Some theories suggest that vampires are unable to enter without being invited. But, who wants to take that risk? Mostly, if they want in, they'll find a way.

So, you'll probably want to kill it pretty dead. You've got three choices:

  1. decapitate the vampire;
  2. drive a wooden stake through its heart; and/or,
  3. immolate the body and any gooey insides either by contact with direct sunlight or by a really big and nasty fire.

Unfortunately, they're pretty much guaranteed to be stronger and faster than you. You're unlikely to be able to out run a hungry vampire. So, you've got some more options:

  1. find a supergood hiding place and wait it out (and hope you don't get bitten);
  2. expertly dispatch the vampire(s) (and hope you don't get bitten); and/or,
  3. keep them occupied with your mad martial arts skills until you manage to either kill or seriously wound them (and hope you don't get bitten).

Firstly, you will need to survey your surroundings. Is the only thing between you and the vampire attack the big flimsy window that you're standing next to? Then you probably will want to find somewhere better to hide. Are you rather lacking in wooden stakes and instruments for vampire decapitation? Then maybe you want to find some more useful tools. Have you learned all your mad martial arts skills from Jackie Chan movies? Then you really need a Plan B that doesn't involve using those "skills".

To enhance your chances of survival, it is recommended that you consult the suggested readings (below) and the relevant chapters of the Matlock Street Emergency Handbook. Having a thorough understanding of your role in the defence strategy will not only help you save yourself, but may also help saved loved ones.

Suggested readings:
  • Self defence strategies against a single vampire attacker
  • Self defence strategies against a pack of vampires
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